Ooh boy! I’m being tested, and I’m flunking the test big time.

So many things aren’t going the way I’d like them to, the way I thought God promised me they’d go. I’m an instant gratification kinda gal. I want results and I want them now.

But in so many areas of my life, I’m not seeing results. Instead, I’m being told wait, wait.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

First He whispers. He tells me to trust Him. He tells me to be still.

But I don’t want to be still. I want to be rushing around, pushing things, making it all happen.

I’m not so good at trusting someone else will do it for me, even God. I have do it all. I have to make it happen.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Then, he tells me louder.

I stop pushing, but I worry the whole time.

And things fall apart even more.

See, Lord, I was right. I do have to do it myself. Subtext- I can’t trust You. I can’t trust anyone.

I go back to pushing, push harder, break myself with exhaustion.

Things fall apart worse.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

This time, He thunders.

Then He takes me in His arms and rocks me as I cry, a good Daddy comforting His rebellious daughter.

“I can’t do this Lord. I can’t,” I wail. “I need You to show me proof. Make it all better, now. Then I’ll trust You.”

He whispers again.

“You were never meant to try so hard, precious child.

Listen this time. Stop asking Me to prove it to you.

I want you to grow. I want you to grow in faith.

It will happen when you trust Me. Trust that I will give you what I’ve promised.

Be still and rest in Me.”

So I ask him to help me to stop fighting Him. I ask Him to give me faith. I ask Him to keep holding me.

And this much I can trust. He will.